New Math by Bo Burnham

G C Em D 
G C G  D

G 
C       Em     D         G
whats a pirate minus the ship? 

C      Em       D        G
just a creative homeless guy,

C      Em              D            G      C
and an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? 

   Em     D      G
an ironic way to die

C         Em      D       G              C   
and whats domain, domain, range (xxy) 

  Em           D           G     C
a kid with too much in his pants

        Em    D     G
and two balls minus one, 

C   Em            D       G
six titles at the tour de france.

G       C             Em   D        
split a decision with long division,

G        C                Em   D
take the circumference of your circumcision

G         C             Em              D
live like your data and when you're all "set"

G          C            Em           D 
put it all together and whatever you get.


       G    C Em D
is new math...
       G    C G  D
is new math...



whats a bag of chips divided by five, 

thats a nike worker's meal

and santa clause mutliplied by "i" 

well i guess that makes him real,

and the square root of the NBA

 is Africa in a box,

how do u trace a scatter plot? 

give the pencil to michael j fox.

take the approximate moral proportion 

of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion

live like your data, and when youre all "set"

put it all together and whatever you get...

is new math.

is new math.

and if you made a factor tree 

of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
 youd have a tree...

full of asian porn.

C-A-L-C-U-LATOR (see you later) 

mathetmatical minds make industrial smog.

and whats the opposite of lnx,

duraflame the unnatural log.

support the farmers with a pro-tractor,

link kennedy and lincoln with a common factor (fact, or)

live like ur data...blah blah

word problems

if theres a fat guy in a pastry shop 
with a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
in order to predict his volume change 
you need to know the value of pi (pie)
and theres a metal train that a mile long 
and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
how long til it reaches adn kills the driver, 
provided that he's a good conductor,
and if ten percent of men are gay and 
twenty percent of men are chinese, 
what are the odds that a men chosen at random 
spends his freetime and mealtime while on his knees
and if kim is half as old as bobby 
who is two years older then twelve year old tori,
for how many more 30 day months 
will their threesomes be considered statutory rape

cause havin sex is like quadratic expansion 
if it cant be split then its time to stop,
and havin sex is like doing fractions, 
its improper for the larger one to be on top,
and havin sex is like math homework, 
i do it best when i'm alone in my bed.
and squarin numbers are just like women, 
if theyre under thirteen just do them in your head....


and new math




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